Sometimes I feel so terrible inside I wanna give up trying. A fact about me you might not know-I'm pretty competitive and I often compare myself to other people. I always think that I'm not good enough. Perhaps that is why I'm always lack of confidence. I really mind my grades. "Design is not just about grades. Grades are not everything in design." True that, but I guess I need the grades to prove how far I can go. I hate myself for being like this. Why make myself suffer? I'll only end up hating my own design and think that the stuff I design is nothing special compared to the others. There I go again, comparing. And when I think my design is good not bad, the grades I got are telling me I was wrong. I DO know that I'm not that talented nor am I the most hardworking student in class. Maybe I don't have the right to complain. I keep letting grades to bring me down, I JUST CANNOT STOP MINDING ABOUT THE GRADES. I'm not a perfectionist, but other than grades I just can't find anything else to prove myself. I feel fucking terrible when I see almost everyone's ideas and designs are way better than mine, call me a competitive bitch. I need to stop this.
“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.”
— John Burroughs
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